Place Your Poetry Here!

[Cress]

Ok I know I said I was gonna stop for a bit, but I remembered one I really wanted to post somewhere, and I figured I'd put it here.
I really need to consolidate my poetry though...I had to go through like five notebooks to find it.

I like the way it looks

red swirling into pale cream
curving lines
making a beautiful
twisted picture
of the flowing confusion in my soul

I like the way it looks

The faded refelction of

violence

The pain scares me
and releases me

It is better to be afraid
than to be
In the throes of the
sick, pain
that is emotion
that is love

I like the way it looks

I can't turn away
and at the same time
I feel sick

How can I do this to myself?
I don't understand

I like the way it looks

but I wish I didn't

[Cress]

Hey everyone, thanks for the love. I was feeling rather angry when I wrote that poem...hehe. Here's one I don't actually have a title for yet, but I kinda want to share. Don't really feel like I can share it with people who know me.

Sometimes I'm ashamed
I look at all their faces
and cringe
because they don't know
what I do to myself in the velvety cover of the night
They wouldn't understand
the hot
secret feeling
building up in the hidden places of me
it spills over
or rips through
or consumes every inch of my body
muscles clenching and unclenching
in the dance of the night
Sometimes I want to scream it before you
Yell in your faces
That I'm wrong
dirty
and that I'm bad

And that I like it

Then watch your faces
see the horror
As I grin my defiance
See? I did it right in front of you

You never noticed
See? See how closely you really look?

Sometimes I stop caring
And I just want to feel
Then shame means nothing


Ok peri...here's one for the happiness side of things. I don't like it quite as much as my sad poems, cause I don't feel as inspired to write when I'm happy. Mostly I wanna move when I'm happy, but here it is.

I love

I love music
I love piano notes ringing softly
I love taiko rhythms pounding in my ears
I love when music fills you up
and makes you live again
When it takes you somewhere else
I love words
when they make you laugh out loud
like chinchilla or squeegy
I love being able to say and write
exactly what I feel
I love the expression
the freedom
the release

I love the way the world looks
I love the color of everything
the deep feeling that you could drink the shades
I love the majesty and beauty

I love the people around me who make my life perfect
I love their smiles and laughs and all their quirks
I love when they cry and I love when they're happy

I love, I love, I love

I say I hate
I say I want
I say I need

But really I love
everything

Exactly as it is

My name is Olivia
And I love

Ok, I know this is a lot of writing, but I promise this will be the last one I post today. Called The Real Me, and it's rather a work in progress, just like me.

You
Pull out the real me

The one who's flirty and confident
A long haired angel with sparkling eyes
smiling at the world
The long legs in a red dress in me

You show off the real me
The one who's not afraid of hot clothes
The swimmer girl of spit fire
A grinning mix
Dancing with abandon, arms flying carelessly
The singer who sets your heart on fire with passion
The sultry smile in me

The little girl with wide eyes who sits on the swings
And the old lady rocking on her front porch
Both of them laughing like the world's a private joke, just for them

That's the real me

You bring out the real me
A taiko dodo
The green mitten
The teenage cynic who's not afraid to be an atheist
The one who can't wait to vote, just to let her voice be heard in the deafening cry of thousands
The I'm a bit hippie, a bit feminist, a bit this, a bit that BUT
I ALWAYS believe I have a right to say
This is my opinion
never giving in

The Queen of the Universe in me

You love the real me
The "I want to stop global warming single handedly" in me
A blushing young naive
A Libra child who can't find balance as she falls on her face
A heart full of things I cannot understand
The everywhere and nowhere, undecided, crazy, loving, hopeful
The angry yet frightened, thick skinned yet sensitive
The lost and confused who doesn't know what she thinks

You are there
And you see the real me

The bubbles and fires, music and theater, poet and novelist, giggling and crying in me
A phoenix baby
rising from the question and fear
"Who is the real me?"
You know the real me
because I trust the real you
You pull out the real me
even when I try to hide her

As always, I love feedback...sorry I haven't given any! I'll try next time, but I'm not so great when it comes to critisms. I always feel like I'm being mean.

[Mel]

Firstly, Shandurai, that was a beautiful poem. I liked how you capitalized those things. Which brings me to Blue:

Here's the thing. Sometims you capitalize things that are important, like in "Autumn Leaves". "Our" is important. The "Bench" is important. understand? Please tell me if I got that right, Shandurai.

Also, like in my "The Battle" The all caps was just to make it clear, in it's own way. I myself like to put my titles in quotes. It makes things easier for the reader.

Also, I think that caps has a lot to do with the flow of your poem. I know, it sounds weird, but the flow of your poem has to be good, and therefore will sound good, and hopefully show good emotion too, that way. Just like prose can have its own styles, so can poetry.

Blue, I agree with your comment about spelling. It not only looks more elegant, but sounds more too. I'm sorry if I have a few typos; I normally catch most typos before I post.

I think that's about right. If anyone has any contradictions, please tell me.

Also, I have some poems I wrote yesterday, but I'm at my cousin's who are all playing poker (which I am HORRIBLE at, so..)m so I'll type it up t'morra, or maybe tonight, but I'll prolly fall asleep.

Have a good day!

[bluesalamanders]

I don't have a lot of advice to give, but some people might want to think about using a spell-check or a dictionary before posting things up here for other people to see. Regardless of whether you care about how things are spelled in your chatting or conversational posts, poetry is (should be) different.

Also, I'm curious about the random use of capitalization I see in some poems (both all-caps and just the first letter). For one, there are other forms of emphasis available here besides all-caps, and it can be confusing you can't tell if the all-caps word is an emphasized word or the title of the poem. For two, I don't really understand why random nouns are capitalized in some of the poems. Does it mean something that some nouns are capitalized and some aren't? It's also confusing to see "you" and "your" capitalized in a poem that isn't about god, because those words are most often capitalized in that context.

Those are the random thoughts I have about poetry today

Blue~

[Olivia]

I'm at the beach, and I wrote this one on the shore.

Waves
The sky is black
You cannot see
The stars, safe, far away

The waves are dark
A color unknown
Pushing, pulling, soaking, crashing

The moon shines through
A ray of hope
Full and round, reflected light

I'm lost in the storm
Waves knocking me over
Tide pulling, water filling my mouth

I make it to shore
A miracle
The sand embracing me, soft and safe

That's all for now, someone else needs the laptop.

[agfish92]

shandera that was really good.. i like the im imagery..

RING

i wear this thing around my finger
twirl it every day
some days its big
and some its small
and sometimes i stair at it when you call

but this ring is becoming much to big
and our convos. are much to short
so when the day comes where it might fall off
i may leave it there for a while.

[Shandurai]

Hey guys... again!

agfish92, don't worry about it being too long. Wouldn't you rather take a whole page then not get enough out? I personally liked your poem 'So Long' it's beautiful. It's not something you'd traditionally write a poem about, and yet, it's on everybody's mind. Your other ones are amazing too, don't get me wrong but I just can't find the finger strenght to type about all of them!

Mel's 'Beethoven' was also really inspiring, very nicely written.

and Peri... I still say you're wise. You're better than you think so. (a little something I've grown up with)

Ok, I wrote this one yesterday. Anyone ever had that time where you feel perfectly happy and you sit down and write a sad poem? Don't know where this came from, but I like it just the same.

Autumn Leaves

Autumn Leaves
fill the empty Plain
where You once stood.
I rememer Your smile,
and the sparkle in Your eye
when You twirled me
beneath the Oak Tree.
the Walk stands empty and bare,
wilted Colors clutter the ground
as though Our footsteps remain.
And as I humble the Bench
with my presence,
I watch
as the last Golden Leaf twirls
to the ground.

Dai, -Shandurai

[agfish92]

first thanks shan.. your words are usefull.. ]
second please tell me how much you hate/love my poems and crateck them.. i love it.. yes im weird
third yall know that ive been on a trip..in all 3 days out of 8 in the car.. like 48 hours in the car.. yea.. so i wrote a few.. ok lots of poems tell me what you think.. and yes pm and kathy feal free to edit the spelling mistakes.
i did my best to do a mix.. not only depressing.. i let my aunt read them and she got a tid bit freaked out :P


ENOUGH

sitting here,
thinking of you.
your face,
your laugh,
your eyes.

why does it happen like this?
always.
its not fair,
even you aggree,
but that is not enough.



DISCRIPTION

your eyes of brown,
your hair of blonde.

the muciles on your arms,
as hard as a rock.

your face filled,
with love and laughter.

your heart as big,
as it can get.

but your mind,
your mind is in the wrong place.

chose


HEART

my heart is in the clouds
my life is in the sea
my head is underground
cause my soul is with thy



CAR

locked up in this car,
going very far,
out the window i see.

yellow white and black,
a flag as a matter of fact,
but that is no more than the outside.

a place i cannot go,
fresh air and hanging down low,
but i cannot leave this car.

we have not went very far,
but yet we stop,
beacuse of the cop...



EMOTIONS

emotions, isent that what a poem should be
emotions, a life, so busy
emotions, drama, life is thy
emotions, so true
but without emotions what would i do?


THE POLE

a pole stands in the middle of the desart,
high up, and tall,
nothing in the vast area around ti,
but yet it stands,
alone,
no purpose, except to stand
as life is to love.


STATIC

stactic is all i hear,
static is in both my ears.
but yet it souths me,
bring me to my sences,
relaxing.
beacuse static is all that i hear.


WIND

as the wind blows in my face
i have a flash back

of you

i see you standing there
talking to me
telling me what you did
i look shocked

but yet i knew something was wrong

you told me you loved her
and i walked away
you lied to me
thats all i ahve to say.



BUTERFLYS

butterflys in my stomic
bees in my throught
grasshoppers in my legs
as i begin to go into the class.


GLASS

though the glass i see a reflection
a reflection of the things that lie hahead
i do not look foward though
but behind through the glass
for that is all i can see with you and me.


LINES

the lines on the road begin to look as one,
we travel much to fast to see them seperate,
but we do see two yellow lines,
and those to lines seperate you from me.


YELLOW RYBON

i make a yellow rybon each day
each with different things to say
some are big
and soem are small
but they all represent
whos frighting for us all
happyly we support and we are proud.


DISTANCE

in the distance i see a house
a house filled with many people
i used to be one of them
but then idd relised what idd become
so i walk away from this house
walking away..



~the ones that kreeped out my aunt~~~

THINK

you say you want to die
to go to he** and stay
but we both know thats untrue

you say your ugly and fat
to be unfit for anything
but we both know thas untrue

you say you love me
to have me with you
but you lie.. so should i beleve you??



SWEET SURENDER

seeing your face again
as a suprise

hearing your sweet voice again
i do not demise

but

watching you go again
KILLS

so how can i be happy if i know what comes next??



CLOUDS

the clouds take every shape and form
fluffy big and white
as soft as a blanket
goffy and micky mouse unite
but what happens when teh white turns gray?
the rain drips onto my head
darker and darker they become
the begin to talk
they talk of missery and pain
yelling screaching in pain
but then a light
the sky clears
but you still arent here..


HOLE

a big deep hole
i stair in and wait

the croud begins to leave
but im still there

i begin over the railing
someone yells i do not hear

a loose pedal

falling at a great speed
i wake up from this dream..
in he**


PRINCESS

king of england
queen of france
one night went to a dance
with flowers everywhere
bees indeed
the queen had to go pee
to the lavotory she went
unable to pass as a gent
to the ladys room and got a mint
he was illergic
and whe was too
now everyone can see them at the zoo


SO LONG

80 miles
90 minutes
5400 secounds
till i see you



OUT THERE

dirt
dust
sand

in and all around me
im lost

no one knows where
no one knows how
no one cares

except you



BRIANAS BLANKET

80% cotton
20% polester
this is not my blanket
it will never be
grand canyon it says
gray
sherry
its hers.


~sorry for it being so long tell me how yall like them~

[Mel]

Firstly, I would like to thank my reviewers. *takes a bow* ..and my mother and father... no, I'm just kidding. I'm not that bigheaded. But thank you for reviewing.

Secondly, I would like to congradulate Peri on getting a poem PUBLISHED!! Way to go!!

Thirdly, to review: Peri, I really really liked that poem of yours. It has a whispering quality, like you can just imagine the guy (or girl) sitting there, reading the poem in that whisper. Eeph!

Cress: I do like that second poem. It is very opinionated, and shows lots and lots of emotion. Excellent, in my opinion.

Defender: I like your first poem. For some reason, it seems to remind me of a drunk, hoping to escape maybe his poverty by drinking, kind of like Jekyll and Hyde, he knows what he's doing, but cannot stop, and he is so afraid that he hurt someone he loves. I could be wrongs, but that is exactly what it reminds me off. Beautiful, in its own dark way.

Marelle: Chills. Positively chills.

Olivia: I definately like yours. At first I didn't, but I wasn't concentrating. I like "Who'll She'll Be" because it is so much like so many people in this world. It as if someone, a friend, or something, kind of like a guardian, sees what she's going through now, and also understands that she must see it as herself, and in the end she does. Again, this is just my imagination roving.
Also, I like "Piece of Glass". It's so true. So true.


I was just sitting here thinking, when it hit me I had at least anther poem that I couldn't find or whatever. I still can't find it, but I'll try my best from memory and improv. This is a bit like my Life poem in terms of style.

"Thoughts"

Thoughts trapped
fling, sling, TING!
There is
no escape
for the
poor
sore
sure
to wilt things.

But then!
He comes with the key!
And they fly
streaming
speeding
sweeping
UP AND AWAY!
by
the Poet's
mighty key"
a
pen.


Mostly, I made that up on the spot because I only really remember about thoughts fluttering being released by a poet. It's not horrendous, and portrays a lot of my thoughts on poetry and authors.

ooh! I just htough of another poem I didn't type up! ..or wait, I did, I just didn't see it...*goes to fish for it on other computer*

Ok, apparently, I never typed it, but I found it in my portfolio. This says a lot about the fellings I get when playing music, or the best I could describe. Here goes!

"Beethoven"

A piece of Soul drifts across the page
as I sit and watch it scurry.
(My heart colors, it's no longer beige.)
With my fingers, I pin it down in a hurry.

Another shard floats around.
I play it, in perfect tune.
The piano makes the sweetest sound
as I gaze up to the moon.

Waves crash, but none affect me.
Thunder roars, but I don't care.
It's inside, this sorm, can't you see?
That's what I truly wish to share.

A cacophonous noise roiling inside;
And orchestra wants to get out!
I try to rid myself of all pride,
But I very much want to shout:

"I've got it! I've got it! I've got it at last!
My masterpiece is finally whole!"
I scan the shore for Victory's great mast;
I've finally played with my soul.

I quite like that one.

"Irony Strikes Again!"

I shout out loud to the broiling skies,
"You cannot conquer me!"
What happens next, I cannot deny:
I've just been struck by irony.

and this last one is actually one of my least favorite, for some reason.

"Quick! A thought!"

quick! a thought
P before A pounding drum
spray from waves splash over me;
P there is no morning sun.

I stand surrounded
P by a whirlwind of power
P from my head down to my toes
I can feel Ms. Nature's sure power
P in this dark'ning thunder shower.


Note: The "P"'s are supposed to be where it is indented. Apparently, it didn't work last time when I tried to indent, so, just in case it didn't show, I decided I'd kind of show you the main idea.

Heh, heh, people who know me may understand this one. People who haven't, my hint: Gaston Leroux!

"Erik"

Chalked up
ready to go,
they
ssttrreettcchh
while
DEGAS
watches.
But then!
Misfortune!
He too appears!
Yellow like a devil-cat!
Mellow? I think not!
Shallow would him better fit!
The devil who shows mucho too sass-o,
The master of the Punjab Lasso!

Hah, I made that up on the spot. You can tell, it's shoddy. I'dd copy it and make it better!


Well, that's all my good poems.

Later, all!

[the_peridexis]

shandurai, you're great at giving constructive criticsm. *nudges* buti'm not all that smart. i've just learned to move on and go through whatever hellish barriers lady luck decides to put in my way with my chin up.

of course, i'm not the only one who's been through hell and back alive. as all these awesome writers are showing me, they're trying too. suceeding, failing, just barely out with breath still there, but surviving. so keep writing all..and keep thriving.

-peri

[Shandurai]

*gapes* I've been gone for two weeks and I've misses all of THIS? you guys are bloody amazing!

ok, let me start with Olivia. I've read some of your other earlier stuff and I really admire you. Your style is very very keen and I like the different points of view you bring to the forum. You seem different and dedicated and that last poem of yours, 'Piece of Glass' that was just plain brilliant. I totally get what you are saying and you make such a good point I'd even go as far as reccomending it to people with depression. I love the way you sound like you're talking to the piece of glass. You're asking, why do I do this, if you don't control me, why do I feel helpless? And I ESPECIALLY like the ending when you say "I control this nightmare" and "You're gone when I leave" very very important to remember in ANY hard situation. Keep writing Olivia, you have SO much potential.

Next, I'd like to complement Mel. Your poem about the pen and the sword really enforces one of my favorite sayings... "The pen is mightier than the sword." I agree, you can do great things with words, some that violence just cannot solve. Also, "Life Is". Loving, Lamenting, Laughing. So sweet, simple and to the point. You too reinforce a good point that everyone should hear about. You may be sad, but yet, there is still laughter and love to pull you out of it. Excellent job, I like the short one liners too!

Moving on to agfish92. "Why" is an excellent little poemlet! I think it's great for just making it up on the spot... wish I could do that! I like the part where you say, "why do I always find out, that my taste is unfound." That's very insightful of you. I think that's a question we all ask ourselves once or twice. Good job!

Marelle first off, I really like your name. Any significance to it? Secondly, your poem is like an insiders point of view to someone who is very depressed or just plain giving up. I think it's very very hard to put onto paper the emotions that you feel when you're going through that sort of thing. "the little place where I hide my face" wow, remarkable. I complement you particularily on that line. Good word choice, and personality for you. Sneaky almost if you think about it. Impressive Marelle!

I'd like to tell The Defender that your second poem was inspiring. I think you really got a chord there and yanked it super super hard. It was interresting to read about the relationship between God and the person you were trying to get over. I like the way that in the end, you once again figure out your priorities and choose to move on. I think your poem too should be used as a motivator for people with abusive relationships or unhappy relationships. You're very good, hope to see more of you!

...Cress... wow. I can't even say what you made me feel after I read that first poem of yours. It was a moment before I could scroll down anymore. "Who are you to take my name?" That is a very powerful message. You hit the spot right on, perfectly. So often we get caught up in the things that don't really matter. Such as appearance, image, how others see us, and material things. It makes no sense to try to be that way, because you will always find something wrong with who you are if you take that path. There will never be a 'perfect' moment.
You are ABSOLUTELY correct in the end where you say 'I will throw the empty words back in your face'. That is exactly who everyone should want to be. Again. Wow.

And lastly, Peridexis. Yeah, I finally did figure out what your name was all about! Magic itself huh? What a title to tackle! On a more serious note though (since you guys have got me in that sort of mood!), I loved your poem, as I think I've already told you... or at least I remember reading it. But if you can't find a previous copy of me telling you how incredible your poem is, you'll just have to trust me on this one. Your second post though, I want to shed some light on. Intense waves of emotion are usually poetic ones, yes. You sound like my favorite singer, Duncan Shiek. He says 'I don't focus on the bad, there's no point running around being sad when there are so many things to see and take in.' I think you bring up a good point for everyone too, 'even if the light might seem invisible sometimes'...'the stars are still shining even when I can't see them'. Correct? I love your intellegence, it's a good thing to have everywhere, even on message forums!

ok, I'm pooped and I'm REALLY going to bed this time! See you guys soon!

Goodnight!

-Shandurai

[Olivia]

I would really really like some constructive critisism from anyone who wouldn't mind, please.

FriendshipWho She'll BePiece of Glass
Why have I done this to myself?
Wake me up from this nightmare
Wishing I was someone else
Thinking that no one cares

Why do you tell me who I should be?
Why do I listen?
You're no better than me
After all, you're just a piece of glass

I feel like there's nothing I can do
Still, I control this nightmare
Monsters of words untrue
Ghosts of things that aren't there

Why do you criticize me?
You're just a picture of me
You're gone when I leave
After all, you're just a piece of glass

I start to see through your lies
You shatter so easily
My reflection breaks before my eyes
That was never really me

Stop talking, listen
I will no longer give in
I'm better than this
After all, you're just a piece of glass

You're no more than just a piece of glass


That's all for now, tell me what you think!

PS~Slash, thanks for the poem!

[What\'s up, doc?]

Wow!! Your poems are really good! Especially the last one about the pen and the sword. It really brings out one of my teachers' favourite themes - words are better than violence....

Anyway, I can't really write, nor do I know a lot about poems and literature in general. But I really feel that the 'ripping sky' sounds a lot like a poem I read once, though it had been about someone's family member dying. It was for a literature test, which I almost failed. My teacher was going through it when she went on talking about the structure and repetition (what good they are, how good they are etc) and telling us to use them.

PS: I apologise for this post which seems like there is no content. But I can't keep my thoughts to myself about this!!

[Mel]

[agfish92]

good point peri....

yes.. im makeing this up on the spot..and go ahead pm..or whoever edit this for spelling its not like its the first time.

why..

why do i always seem,
to find the wrong seam?

why do they allways lie,
so they can do what they like?

why do i allways find out,
that my taste is unfound.

why is it that you love me,
and that i love you to?

but why is it that i wont ever do what you do.