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  • ahhh, and soon school will start up again, and i will be restricted to staying up until only 1:00- when I have the time, and am not doing homework, and havn't fallen asleep yet from waking up around 5:30 every day...

    But that's why I like weekends!

    gotta go now, but I will be back on later!
    Believe something... and somewhere, it's happened

    Comment


    • Just a quick note.

      Wolfy, Lisa is Sunshine. She used to be this and that. And ya.

      And guuuuessss what? I talked to Tia today. Remember her? Tiamat. She hasn't shown her face around here in ages. I'm trying to get her to say hi. That girl is a loveable crazy.

      Mew years! Huzzah! Tayler asked me what my resolution was, along with all the others. I said to have my art club up and running ASAP!
      Also there are other things; but I haven't made the list yet. xD I just know there are.

      Tayler is going to join my Art Club. He and I are good friends when he isn't around some people. It's really annoying.

      Last night at 12:00, January 1, 2008. Tayler, Tasha, Kani, Alison, and I jumped into the pool fully clothed. It was _fun_. As much as I hate getting wet. It was fine after I got in of course. But I was wearing jeans and a tee so it's was fun. Kani and Alis were too. It's was good. We drank bottles and bottles of sparkling apple cidar stuff.

      Well they want me to clean my room and I probably should. Then I need to make a list of rational resolutions. Draw some. I feel like it today. Maybe paint. I'm not sure. Not many days of break left.
      Love and be loved

      Comment


      • <span class="ev_code_BLUE">Hiiiiii~! Tia is here~!
        Tori commanded me to post, so here I am. ^o^

        Well, I've been meaning to get back anyways, so I just decided to come back on New Year's Day. Yay~!
        (Happy New Year's Day, by the way~!)


        ...Well, let's see.
        I have been studing for finals, because school hates me...and painting my nails. Joy.
        OH! And re-reading YW...again. And again. And again.


        Oh, yay, the paint on my nails has dried. Yay~!
        Be right back, and I shall type more later. ^o^

        Happy Late Holidays, by the way~!</span>

        Comment


        • hmmm, I don't remember her. and I feel stupid, as I didn't know who Lisa was either.AHHHHHHHH. not good. oh well.

          Emi: Yeah, I know the feeling that the days are getting predictable. It's just all to repetitive. I wish something new would happen. I don't want to start school tomorrow. there is just to much homework.

          Tiamat: I have been re-reading books over the break to. mostly YW and HP. I have now read HP 35 times!!! (the series) I like HP.

          so, for New Years I stayed home and was bored, and my friend called around 12:30 to wish me a happy new year. It was funny, as they woke my mom up. oh well.and yeah, nothing exciting.
          Believe something... and somewhere, it's happened

          Comment


          • Am really in a bad mood and need to rant. I suppose I can do that here.

            Sorry people if I was too much on the newbie/oldbie stuff. I wanted to explain how I view the distinction that is generally used but it might have made stuff continue on longer in ways which shouldn't have been done.

            So yesterday was New Years Eve. It was fun for a while. I went off to a contra with my boyfriend's family. It was crowded, insane, and so many people knew what they were doing it made me feel like I knew nothing at times, but it was fun dancing. At one point just everything that's been bothering me over break hit hard and I had a complete breakdown. I've been loosing contact with my friends from high school it seems. I'm not managing to contact them currently even though I'm really close to them still. And its been making me feel like I don't have anyone to turn to other than Jon and its not right. Me and my friends from my second high school aren't really close and I'm really feeling like I don't really _know_ any of them because of things that happened at the reunion. And my friends from my previous school I don't really IM and recently aren't replying to emails. I don't think I'm being ignored, but its still really bothering me. And how much all the people there knew each other really was bothering me because of that at points and I basically just broke down crying. We ended up sitting out the rest of everything and missed the midnight dance even and I was feeling horrible because I completely ruined the night for him. In the car ride back stuff was getting worse even because of my mind thinking harshly of everything.

            Boyfriend asked his mom and I could stay over there though, which was good. It meant I went to bed past 2 and had to get up at 7:30 to get a ride over to my house to take care of the animals. Then there was problems with food and getting food before I got a migraine. Then was dehydrated... was a mess. Have gotten a perminant headache today and need to sleep but stuff is keeping me up.

            Umm...can sleep now, am going to do that. This is really short and less than I was meaning to post but if I can get to sleep I should do that.

            edit: Being amused at everyone commenting on this not being a short post I must add in, this is a short post for me, but I write long posts when I do post in general.
            We will remember you PM. And your little GingerBear.

            Comment


            • Well i havent posted here in like a month. Ugh Finals an holidays, free time dissapears. First Hey Lisa and Tia, havent seen you both in ages(mainly my fault for not bieng on alot). So i saw sweeny todd yesterday. I engoyed, it was very good. There were times you couldent help but laugh. And it was bloody. The music was OK, the movie itself was wonderfully done but the score was just avarge nothing spectacular. Well i went to a small new years eve party with my family. All the older kids grouped together and same with teh younger ones. So it ended up with the couple who was hosting the partys daughter and her boyfriend, her friend and her friends boyfriend and me listening to old peter fratpton records. I ended up with the younger kids because it was getting akward since they were all trying to sneak off and make out. Oh and ITS SNOWING OUTSIDE . I know its just a few flakes but i havent seen snow here in <STRIKE>SEVEN YEARS</STRIKE>. Sorry bad math, TEN YEARS.

              Also stop all this talk about collage. I have to start all this stuff soon and it scares me. Oh and tut first im realy sorry your not feling well and get better soon. Second thats pretty long compared to alot of posts.

              Dai all
              (\__/) "Be amazing"
              (+'.'+)
              (")_(")

              Comment


              • Ummm, Tut,in case you havn't noticed, my posts don't tend to be that long, so I think you're good when it comes to "short posting" and I hope you start to feel better soon.

                Magicalmike: Wow, I havn't seen you around in a long time! I have been to parties like that before, and I don't really like it- it's quite akward- so you're not the onl one - not that it really matters. Oh well. College does sound scarry, but I'm not to freaked out. I still have A while to go.

                I love snow, but now it's really dry and cold wind srt of snow, so it's not really fun... I have to go finish my homework now. *sighs* anyway, Dai all.
                Believe something... and somewhere, it's happened

                Comment


                • This is probably the topic that the most of you read, so I'm going to post it here; it also fits in with the journal diary theme:

                  WARNING: This is slightly graphic.

                  Yesterday (New Years) I was working in the hospital, doing a 10-hour shift as part of training to be an EMT. Most of it was uneventful - just taking vitals, moving patients for CAT scans and X-rays, and watching the charge nurse give medicines.

                  It was New Years, so there were the usual plethora of drunks, car accidents, lonely people, and fragile elderly that came in and out through the day, some to be discharged, and some to be admitted.

                  But the one thing that I took away from it was a patient that had come in about half an hour before I showed up at 10:00. He was a twenty-year-old college student, who had come back for the holidays. When I came in, the charge nurse was busy working on him and briefly told me to watch before going back to him.

                  By working, what I really meant was that they were making sure he wasn't going to choke on his own vomit. When the paramedics had gotten to him, he was unconscious and hypoxic (low on oxygen). They had 'tubed' him with an endotracheal tube that goes straight into the bronchial tubes so that oxygen could go straight into lungs and were busy suctioning the vomit that was consistently coming up. I stood there silently, watching nurses bustle to and fro with things, watching the dark brown vomit slowly collect in a clear bucket. They had a nurse on each side, one to hold him steady while he convulsed and one to suction. They suctioned for about ten minutes before he finally stopped vomiting - either that or had nothing left to vomit.

                  There was at least 200-300ml of vomit in there, or a nice-sized cup or so.

                  When they had stabilized him and he stopped vomiting, they cleaned up the vomit, waited for the doctor to arrive, and let the family in. His mother and father were there, as well as a brother in high school, and someone who was probably his aunt. They had waited with bodies unmoving and eyes worried while they worked on him, but now came forward to say his name, touch his hair and try and rouse him.

                  He would not be roused. His family (and later friends) stayed around him, kept calling his name and touching him, hoping for some movement, words, anything.

                  He was taken in for CAT scans, sent upstairs to the MICU, and put on a twenty-four hour EEG.

                  What had happened was this: he went out for New Years to a party, and came back around four in the morning. The family said he was fine when he came home around 4:00a.m., and by five they heard what they thought was snoring. Around six, they tried to rouse him, discovered he was unresponsive, and called 911. The medics got there and intubated him and gave him a paralytic to stop him from vomiting - the snoring that they heard earlier was him aspirating his vomit. Somehow, it took three hours to get to the hospital - even taking into account that he was half an hour away, it should only have taken an hour to get here.

                  The nurses said that they had found barbiturates and amphetamines in his system, aside from the alcohol.

                  When I had left, he was still unresponsive. It had been a full 12 hours from when he had been found, and everything that was in his system should've washed out.

                  He still could not be roused.

                  Guys, girls - please, please don't do anything stupid. Don't do 21 shots on your birthday, don't try drugs 'just one' 'for fun', don't dare your friends to do stupid things. It was the beginning of a new year, full of promise, and here was a 20-year old, halfway through college, possibly a vegetable for the rest of his life.

                  And think of his family. Every minute he wasn't waking, there was a little bit less hope they had, a little bit more pain crawling into their faces. I want, I hope, I pray that he comes out of it. But there's always the chance that he won't. Think of your future, think of your family and friends.
                  Omnia mutantur; nihil interit.
                  Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.

                  Comment


                  • Sean: That was deep. A little scary.

                    Tuttle: I hope you get better!!! And I hope you get to talk to your old friends soon. I sort of have that separation with one of my friends now.... I'm not sure I can empathize with how you feel, but I can surely sympathize with you. Hang in there.

                    MM: FINALS! Mine's in a week and a half!! I didn't even realize how close finals was until today!! Unexpected finals are not welcomed. Haha. Good luck on your finals. Hope you ace them!!

                    I can't believe how close this semester is ending!! It's so exciting!! *jumps all around* Don't get me wrong, I love a couple of my teachers I have but, I need change. This is good for me. I got to take my car to school today! What a relief. I missed driving my little Subaru to school. What's new? here, let's see... I finished my essay. *looks up* Thank God! Now I have to prepare my speech. Haha oh no. me + public speaking = nervous anxieties and stuttering. Not cool. So not cool. But I'll deal. I always deal. Especially when it comes to a topic I feel strong about.

                    dai
                    Time passes. Even when it seems impossible.
                    Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.
                    It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
                    Check out my video: LET GO

                    Comment


                    • Wow Sean, That was very deep. wow.

                      Emi: I hate public speaking. I am not good with it at all. Hmmm, actually that reminds me of the presentation I should be working on about wolf conservation... yeah, I know that I am kinda obsessed with wolves. so what. anyway, dai all.
                      Believe something... and somewhere, it's happened

                      Comment


                      • This was too painful not to share, even if this is a one-liner. :-(



                        Edit: Ok, fine, I'm feeling too guilty. :-) Did everyone see the link I posted to the YA Fantasy/SF con that Tamora Pierce is trying to organize? The link is here, if anyone wants to go check it out, volunteer to help, etc.
                        "...and that's how Snuggles the hamster learned that yes, things COULD always get worse."

                        "You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach." "Thank you."

                        Comment


                        • yeah, I saw it, and it looks really cool. thanks for the link Garrett. I really like the Tamora Pierce books... actually i've read all of them, and I think that it's pretty nice that she is planning a convention...
                          Believe something... and somewhere, it's happened

                          Comment


                          • Awww that picture was so cute Garrett!!! That reminds me of what my cat does with boxes.

                            AHHH I have a game tonight, and I should be leaving soon.. but my mom is talking on the phone. really should be going now mother.... haha.. oh well.

                            Um, um, um, It's FRIDAY! Yes, I'm soo happy. Even though I only had three days of school, I am exhausted. BUT this little relaxation thing isn't going to last long because I have work this weekend. 3-10 and 4:30-10. Sunday is inventory so it's going to be ick. My first time doing inventory so this should be interesting. Haha. Alright, now I'm going to go and get my mom out the door.

                            Dai all. I'll try to be on later.
                            Time passes. Even when it seems impossible.
                            Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.
                            It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
                            Check out my video: LET GO

                            Comment


                            • You know, its really kinda sad when it feels weird to feel like yourself. But at the same time, its one of the best feelings- that point at which you're just like...I'm feeling like me rather than that shadow of me who I've been. This is really odd...but feels amazing.

                              Like, its beyond happy, its a different level of happy. I've been happy a good amount of this break though at the same time I've been crying a good amount of this break. And this has been going on since last break too. And I'd been happy a lot over term though it had been the second worst term I've had. (Amusing since worst term is by far the worst grades I've had (B, C, C) and this term I got A,A,B. I much prefer this past term's grades even though I don't deserve one of those As. *shrug* I'm not complaining, just trying to get it to the point I do deserve it. Which is a challenge with how hard last term was.

                              But really, I've been, happy, but I've not had this feeling of myself. I'd not noticed how not myself I was feeling until just now. It's kinda insane. Like at times I was feeling a lot more normal than other times, but now I'm feeling, like none of that was even near how I feel now.

                              It's almost like there is an advantage of depression, that when you break out of it you're on this amazing high of just being yourself and truly being happy.

                              I think I needed to see my friends from high school and joke around with them to have me come back. I got to do that for a few hours today. Jono came along so he could meet my best friend. They seem to get along. He finds her an interesting person which is a really good complement from him. He expected to though, so its not surprising, but still, its nice.

                              But I was on a low going to see friends. Once I got to barnes and noble not so much of a low, wandered around for an hour with jon before they got there. Was noticably better, but I was still that person. I don't know when it switched, but the car ride back wasn't particularly either way, but I got up here, asked Jon about his thoughts on Kristin, and somehow in the process realized, I'm myself. I'm feeling normal. This feels absolutely amazing.

                              And I get to go back to Worcester tomorrow. Get to see boyfriend without annoying parents and dealing with his siblings. Get to cuddle up with him and be with him and not worry about anything. And now it looks like I can possibly not worry even.

                              Am not fully out. I completely realize that, but a possible end is in site and I'm most of the way there. I may fall back now, but hopefully not and even if I do then I have this for now and I know I can make it back here. Preferably not after another term seeing how much it ruined my project last term and its due at the end of next term.

                              I'm just , just me. And that's, well not quite all, but most of what I want to be. (I also want to help others as much as I can especially those closest to me starting with Jon, his family, my friends from high school (though they're not currently needing as much help)).


                              --

                              I am feeling kinda bad now, but in a reasonable way. And a way I'd be feeling horrible if I wasn't feeling bad.

                              My boyfriend's dog is dying. She's been dying the entire time I knew her. She has cancer which is killing her slowly and painfully. It's actually exposed on her hip even, its really sad to see or think about. But she's getting worse. This morning she couldn't walk on that leg from pain, its looking like they can't help her much more. She earlier this year was looking like she'd not last even nearly this long because of seziures but she managed and now its looking again like it'll not only not be long, but it'll be soon that she dies. It's really sad. She's not very old, and she's an amazingly nice dog.

                              It's hitting Jono hard too. He's the one in the family Kira's closest too. She's a talkative dog because he talked to her a lot as a puppy. She's very much a people dog, but you can tell she likes him a bit more than most people. There are others she goes crazy over, those she really likes but doesn't get to see often, but its still like Kira's in a way his.

                              But she can't even walk now. She was laying in her bed all day today. We kept needing to chase the kittens away because they were teasing her too much. She actually got to trying to get up and you could see it was really painful, but she wanted to chase the kittens. They went away at that point. But its really sad to see her.

                              I can do what I can to help though. If I was able I'd be over there tonight cuddling up with him because it'd help him with everything with her getting to him, but I can't. I'm going to try to keep him happy like he did for me. And that'll possibly help even more for me even, hadn't thought about that... I'm very much someone who is...well I need to be more selfish and people keep telling me this and have actually said I need to be more selfish for the good of others even. I put others ahead of myself too much but that's who I am. I'm learning to act in my own behalf sometimes now, but its not my default still...

                              Anyways, I think that's all I wanted to say.

                              We will remember you PM. And your little GingerBear.

                              Comment


                              • I feel like saying something random!

                                Hmmmmm...Happy Saturday! (Depending on where you live, it just might be Saturday.)

                                My dad's going to Cambodia to be in my uncle's wedding. I think he might be on a plane now, I'm not sure. Big time difference from where I live.

                                My uncle's a missionary in Cambodia, but he grew up in NY, as did my dad (they say they used to hang out at Jones inlet, which is mentioned in YW, I think). My cousin is actually a year older that the woman her dad's marrying, and she doesn't like it. I can't spell the name of my aunt-to-be, but I think it just might be spelled "Sotey" and pronounces "Suh-tie."

                                Ah, well, now I've said something random. So long!
                                Dif-tor heh smusma.

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